They didn't even know my name.

It's funny what songs play on the radio...and how these songs can affect you one way in a moment and in the next have little to no effect at all. They just played a song by George Canyon called My Name on the country station. It's about a baby's perspective of the love he/she feels in the womb before being a stillborn. Some days that song has me weeping. Today, I could have easily cried, but I was able to hold off the emotions. Do I really want to hold off how I feel? Is desensitization a good thing? It can make life a lot easier to cope with...and leave me feeling cold to what's going on around me.

I've been doing a fair bit of introspection and questioning lately. Some of it has to do with being pregnant again. I'm not terrified of losing Little Baby. I do become afraid and question my actions though. Should I be taking more iron? Am I being negligent if I don't? When I don't feel movement should I be calling the doctor? I do feel it...just not as often...but maybe that's 'cause Little Baby has finally moved into a head down position. I miss playing with him/her. He/she used to have (I think) their hands really near my belly button and if I pushed a tiny bit, I'd get a punch back...and some kicks elsewhere. I love that interaction. But now, it's a lot quieter. Sigh... So do I get worried? Or do I just enjoy where I am right now? And how much activity should I be doing? If I do too much, I get pain. But I hate to be lazy and I hate having a messy house. And if I'm this unsure of myself now...what's it gonna be like when Little Baby arrives? I kind of know how I'll respond...I just do it. I'll be strong and I'll just do it. I only hope I can do it with dignity and joy and a little bit of sleep.