A day for a date...

On Saturday, Jordan's parents took Danya and Benjamin for the day. It was really nice. All we had to do was drop them off at the Prince George in the morning and then pick them up again in the evening. So what does a couple with a few hours do when there are suddenly no kids around them? Hmmm...

We decided to stay away from the house. We both knew that if we stuck around the homefront we'd end up doing menial tasks that will always need doing instead of making the most of our time together as husband and wife. First, we stopped in and grabbed a coffee and hot chocolate from Just Us! on Barrington and then took a walk to the Farmer's Market down on Water Street. We enjoyed walking hand in hand and smiling when we saw kids go by. We knew we didn't have to worry about chasing them around the stalls. We were able to sit and enjoy an Indian lunch and watch the crowds pass by. I was also touched by the friendliness of the people we sat near. At least two offered us their places on the bench. I often miss seeing the kindness of others because I'm so wrapped up in what my kids are doing. We had fun wandering around aimlessly and being a part of the milling humanity.

Walking back to the car, we decided to go to the Spring Garden Library to see if they had a copy of the paper which had a picture of Jordan. We couldn't find it there. I'm glad that his two workplaces thought to give him copies. Now we can photocopy them and put them in a scrapbook. (That kind of thing is important to me even if I don't do it well.) We also got out a bunch of books about home repairs, bike maintenance, and anything else that caught our attention. We've always liked going to the library together. We find out more about each other by what we choose to watch/read and it encourages us to always be bettering ourselves.

After that, we headed out to Bayer's Lake where we went to the pet store for degu food. Boy the puppies were cute. I especially liked the retrievers. We found a nice cage that the degus would like but were unable to find a price for it. We'll have to call them when we figure out whether we're staying here in Halifax of not. If the cost is low, it'd be a good idea to buy them one. They need room to run and hide their food. It turned out that the pet store was charging too much for the degu food, so we went to Bulk Barn to check out their prices and found it for about 2/3 the price. With the money we saved we were able to get them a treat.

We then made our way over to Exhibition Park for the Saltscapes Home Show. Wow! It was packed in there! And we had a good time. We were able to enjoy sampling many snacks and to chat with many people. There were draws all over the building and we made sure to fill out a ballot for each of them. Two caught our attention. One was offering services about yard care. They'd come and help you decide how to look after your yard and what to plant for the best look of your landscape. The other had a canoe or kayak in their draw. Now wouldn't that be nice! They were beautiful crafts, very light and large enough to carry the whole family. Jordan was especially drawn to this display and had a long chat with the staff. I think it got us both thinking about spending more time out in nature this summer. After May 16th we're going to have a lot more time on our hands...so maybe we'll get a chance to go have some fun!

By the time we were done at the show we were getting hungry. So...instead of going out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, we went to Superstore, bought some yummy cheese, some fancy rolls and bread, and a couple of glass bottles of pop - Jordan got grapefruit and I cream soda flavours. We headed back out to our vehicle jumped in the backseat where we could snuggle and had a European-esq meal. We really enjoyed it. There's something about living simply that we both adore and it's nice to get back to that once in a while. There was no one to impress except each other and we loved it.

Just across the street from the Superstore was a Salon/Spa offering massages. As my shoulder had been bothering me enough that I couldn't drive without pain, Jordan insisted that we go in and I have a therapeutic massage. Ahhh! It was so painful. And so needed. I was told that I probably have tendonitis of the bicep muscle. (Probably from breastfeeding for so long and then carrying the kids improperly. I'm not entirely sure what the best way to carry a child should be, but I guess I've got it wrong.) Anyway, I felt really great afterwards and Jordan's now telling me every day to go book another massage so that we can help take away the pain. He cares about me so much. It's a good feeling to know that he cares the way he does.

Our last event of the day before going to pick up the kids was a coffee and hot chocolate at Timothy's on Spring Garden. (Diomio's and Just Us! were closed.) Sitting in the back corner of the coffee shop with Jordan was probably the best part of the day. We had some frank discussion and began working our our own set of Family Values. Jordan grew up with five family values which they all worked to keep as part of their lives. As a couple, we worked with the five values of his family and reworked them to become our own. It was interesting to see how a couple of words could be interpreted and how we sometimes had vastly different opinions on them. In the end, we came up with our own rough draft of beliefs and values. We stuck with five so that it makes it easier to teach them to the kids. In my next blog, I'll write them out and give some explanations for each one.

Finally, we went back to get the kids. They were exhausted and ready to go. Grammy and Grampy were pretty tired too! Benjamin was so happy that when I put him in the carseat I had him laughing really hard. Turns out it was too hard. He gagged and threw up. Oh well, the rest of the day was exceptionally good! Can't complain about getting back to real life. :)

Calmer now...and proud of my hubby!

Well, you got to see a different side to me... :) Now that I'm calmer I'd like to share some of the more fun things about yesterday.

Jordan was in the paper! We attended a clean up of the local area on Earth Day (last Sunday afternoon). "I (reporter) work my way around the parking lot until I reach the bridge across the water. Coming along the bank towards me is volunteer Jordan Braun. He points to something in the water: it's a child's bicycle with white tires. Without futher ado, he whips off his shoes and socks and wades to the rescue, splashing back to shore moments later with the bike. It's festooned with slimy vegetation but seems to be quite new. Jordan heaves it ashore, then wades under the bride to do battle with the tangle of marooned shopping carts. It takes 10 minutes and the help of another volunteer, Ian Reid, but he finally manages to land all three carts." There's a picture of Jordan wading in the river with his pants soaked. (He took off his shoes and socks and didn't roll up his pants enough.) It makes me feel really good, proud, to see him there. He was doing what we should all be doing...looking after what God's given us. He didn't ask for glory and it's something he's done in the past without fanfare, but I am glad someone noticed this time.

Something else that happened last night occurred just before I got home. Maybe that's why I was so frustrated too...something discouraging on the heels of something really cool. Hmmm... Anyway, I was taking the bus home after a meeting last evening and at the station a Muslim woman sat down next to me. I don't know how to describe what goes through my head. I am not afraid of her. I desperately want to talk to her, just as a person. But I'm always chicken. I couldn't even talk the people on the way to my meeting who seemed outgoing and talkative. It's something I've been dealing with for a while and I prayed about it again last evening as I sat next to her and suddenly I had the impulse to just do it. God said to stop asking for courage and to just go ahead and be courageous. So I did. It's so good that she had a little boy with her because I was able to ask her the age of her son, and lo and behold, she opened up like a can of pop shaken too hard. By the end of the conversation, 5-10 minutes at most, she had given me her phone number and asked me to come with my kids for a visit. Sounds like a divine appointment to me! :) She's very worried about her son having friends to play with and seemed very excited to have us over. She even offered to try to find people to buy my Avon. Now I know she really wanted me to visit! :) All I ask now is that people pray that I follow the Spirit's leading in a friendship with Nada and her son. I don't want to offend unnecessarily and I want to be able to be a good neighbour as God would have me to be.

Well, I need to stop procrastinating and go clean my room! :)

Writing mad...

I'm full of irrational anger right now. After all I wrote earlier today about housework, etc. I had the experience of arriving home from a meeting to realize that my father and mother in law had been by. I was originally expecting them today, but yesterday was told that they were coming tomorrow. The house was a MESS! Like completely messy. I'm not mad at them for coming. Just mortified that my home was not in a state to welcome anyone. There was (is) food on the floor, laundry covering one couch, coats covering the other. There are boxes in the middle of the living room and supper, etc. all over the counters in the kitchen. I had gone out to a meeting thinking I could tidy it all up when I got home and in the morning before we'd see anyone. Ahhhhhh! I don't know what irritates me more. Feeling embarrassed and insecure, having been given the wrong information, knowing there things that could have been done to at least make them comfortable while they were here but seeing no sign that they were able to even really sit down, or having to put out the garbage and recycling as well as tidy up when I got home. Like I said, irrational! There's no one to be mad at, but I am. There's nothing I can do, but I want to. I feel sick to my stomach. This is ridiculous. So much for seeing the good in a situation. Hehe...at least they knew to leave so that we didn't hate each other! :) Ray and Lori and Amanda...I really do love you!

Plans for a day...

It's interesting how a day's plans can go so differently from how you expect them to. A person can wake up with a list of to do's and end up doing many other things which are also important but none of which are on that list. And then it starts again the next day and the next. Sometimes I get stressed because my life just doesn't seem to be in my hands. I'm learning, though, that God often has other ideas about how things should go, the people you should bump into, the amount of time really need to spend doing laundry or washing dishes. I'm learning, SLOWLY, that my house is not the complete defining picture of who I am. I'm learning that people are more important. I've always known that. (My roomies in college would know that I'm bad at keeping tidy.) I've always known that being untidy or even dirty doesn't necessarily mean you're on the wrong track. I want my treasures to be in heaven, not in a memory of a house well-maintained. However, I get stuck. I feel the pressures (maybe some are good) to run a good household. The Prov. 31 woman stands out. I struggle to know my place, my calling. And that affects how my days turn out. Some days, I will begin planning on working on my business and then the demands and joys of family life intervene. Other days, I hope to work on family needs and the calls of friends in need or responsibilities at church veer me in a different direction. At other times it's not even that well defined. I'll begin by hoping to get a room cleaned, dishes done, or a roof repaired and I'll get sidetracked by a book, a feeling of sadness or inertia, or the desire to sleep. Oh and don't forget sickness. And all said and done, when it's over I often feel sad that I didn't do what I wanted to do instead of feeling joy at just being alive or in doing some unexpected work. I think I often feel that I need to perform, to be useful, to be worthy. And then I hear the word sof a song that say I am God's beloved and I know that means I'm loved all the time, no matter what. And still I say to myself, "But...."

Seldom set foot in your neighbours house - too much of you and he will hate you. Prov. 25:17

This jumped out at me and made me smile. It's so true. I've experienced it in so many ways. You can see it when best friends go to college together and dorm in the same room. Often by the end of the year, they hardly talk. You can see it in a counseling session gone too long. People try to overanalyze things about themselves and end up fixing a problem that isn't there. You can see it in small groups and church events. People feel the need to be open and honest and end up sharing too much with the wrong kind of people. It kind of goes along with the saying, "Better to be quiet and thought of a fool then to open the mouth and remove all doubt." There's something to be said for silence in voice and absence in person. When you are visiting for too long or too late the temptation is there to say something simply because you can. The person is there, why not tell them what you think? What are you going to do, sit in silence? Well, yeah. Sometimes this is better. Even more advantageous is to go home before you get to the point where you say something stupid or make people upset. In Ephesians 5:4, it talks about keeping foolish talk, obsenity and coarse joking out of our vocabulary. When we are around other people too much, we often risk going down the paths of foolish talk, gossip, jokes of poor taste and the like. Maybe it's a self-esteem issue. Maybe people feel that if they are silent, they will be misunderstood. Perhaps that's true. But at least then you aren't understood to be something that's sinful because you said something improper or impure. There's even the angle that would say that staying too long at a friend's place can bring you into temptation. If your friend is not living their life the way they should, you might be tempted by long contact to start acting like them, or they like you. Too much contact can lead to excuse making instead of iron sharpening iron. You can love too much. When you love too much, you make excuses for their behaviour and therefore encourage it. Or you learn how to be quiet even when the sin is obvious and painful for all present. Visiting too much can be harmful. Visiting too little can be painful. Lord, help me to find the right balance!

kids, kids and more kids!

Did I mention that there are four kids in my house right now? Jessyca and Vanessa are visiting for a couple of days. Between them and my two, the house is hopping! Actually, it's not too bad. They all keep each other entertained very well. Add a movie or two and they're great. I really like having them come visit. I get tired but it makes me feel like I can handle having more. Like I really could be a good mom. It also makes me realize what a good job my mom and dad are doing. The girls are so well behaved and helpful. It was not like this a year and a half ago. God is really doing a work in their lives. It's exciting to see how they are growing physically and spiritually...both in leaps and bounds. Yay God!

Yesterday I went to the church for some special prayer time. The team from Living Waters is down and I was able to meet with one of them with Margot. I've had so many concerns about this possible move/trip to Belize and Mexico and there is just so much going on in my head about friendships and family and events that I'm so confused as to where to direct my thoughts and prayers sometimes. It was nice to sit with two women and delve a little bit into things with God's direction and spotlight. A picture that came up was that of me standing in an attic full of boxes. The attic was well-lit and the boxes were being opened. I was encouraged that this was not a bad thing but that God is taking me through some things I'd had packaged away for a while. It's time. On Sunday night I also go the feeling that I was to sit and wait. Wait for what exactly, I'm not sure, but that waiting was part of what was in store for me right now. I realized that I have some fears of losing Jordan that I need to look into. (Not that my head believes that would ever happen, but somewhere there's this weird fear that needs to be removed.) Anyway, Jordan and I had a talk last night and I think that was good. Things started to come up and weren't shelved right away. It's after talks like that when I'm sure we'll be ok. (I must note, for those who might read this, that I've never felt things were horrible. I just always want things to be better...to keep growing into all they could be.) All that said, I know God's going to be doing some rearanging of my life and that's ok. Sometimes there's peace in just knowing that's what's going on. :)

Something else that's on the horizon is Sam's wedding. There's a lot coming up in me over that. Stuff I never expected. I really want to go. Finances are a problem. It's almost $800 for Jordan and I to go by plane or train.) Knowing Jadon's going to be there is a weird thing. I honestly feel ok with him being there and even with seeing him. Yet there's this feeling like I need to have Jordan with me if I go. I've had one person say they didn't think I should go, but then didn't explain why. And I want to show respect to this person, but I also want to be a friend. And then there's the need to see Sam and Viv before our family takes off for who knows where. On top of that a vague sense of hurt that Micah isn't the best man. Yet I know decisions have to be made. I'd love to cast blame and be upset, but I know things are complicated. Overall, I think there's some healing that's going to happen in my heart if I go. I didn't realize there was healing that was needed until recently. I just hope and pray God directs me in this area.

Well, the kids are in need of some attention and love.

Chicken pox

So Benjamin's got spots all over his back. He had his three vaccinations about a week and a half ago and it looks like the shot for Chickenpox is taking effect. I was wondering if it would because he was rubbing his ears alot and then yesterday he had a mild fever a couple of times. Well, after throwing up all over the floor in his shared room after a temper tantrum this evening, we put him in the tub and noticed a whole bunch of spots all over his back. So I get to call the doctor tomorrow morning. Yay! :S Hint, don't feed your child tomato and cheese and peas if you want to see it later all over the floor. Yuck! Yuck! and more Yuck! The smell is really bad this time. He must be sick.

On a more pleasant note...we took Danya and Benjamin to the playground this evening. Danya is very excited about the pole. It's quite funny to watch. She has to be lifted up on the platform because it's so high. Then she crawls cautiously to the middle of the floorspace and stands up. Finally, she makes her way to the edge where she waits for you to help her slide down the pole. Now, this pole is actually about half her length away from her and as she leans over you pretty much have to catch her to make sure she doesn't fall. Then you have to continually remind her to actually hold on to the pole with her hands and legs. (Which was hard to do tonight because it was so chilly outside.) Finally, she "slides" down the pole. Essentially, you as the parent have to let go without letting her know you're holding on. It's quite a feat! Oh, and did I mention that I cannot actually assist in this process. I'm too short and the platform is too tall. Yay for Jordan!

Having confidence.

Last night I had an Avon House Party at my house. Well, that's what it was advertised as. Two people showed up. One by taxi, one was my next door neighbour. I put on my best face and tried to act real well. Even now, I feel like I have to lie. I'm so disappointed. In people who didn't come, in my church-for saying they care about stuff but then not coming to something that could help fix it, in myself for not calling more to confirm attendance, in God...I really thought He was telling me it was going to be fine. But looking back, He just said that I should trust Him and He would bless me. He also said to ask of Him and He would give. Oh, I wish I knew what to ask for, what to believe in, what to dream for. I asked for the party to go well, for money to be raised and even for people to join my Avon team. I tried having confidence. I felt as if I was the guy who ask Jesus to increase His faith. It feels like I need to be really careful to pick the right dream so that I can be happy. That sounds kind of twisted in a way. If I prayed for the wrong things, how am I to know what's right to pray for. It didn't seem like these were wrong things to pray about. I'm confused. Lord, I know You're working things out. I just wish You and I understood some of the same things.

A book about a bird...

Sometimes the best way to keep the kids happy and myself sane is to ask them to do little tasks. Just now, in order to be able to sit for a few minutes without distractions, I've asked Danya to go find me a book about a bird. Like I was hoping, it's actually taking her a while to find it. "Whoo hoo." "There's no bird on there." Oh well, she's busy. And actually, if we both look closely, there is a bird in the book. "Book" is one of her new words. If you draw out the oooo sound, you've almost got it, but make sure you barely say the k sound. Now you've really got it. We just found another bird, a dove pictured above Jesus' head. And now Danya's saying "mow, mow! MOW!" She found a cat. This is turnign out to be a not-so-distracting activity. "AH HAH!!!" She just found some fish in a basket being held by a little boy. There's bread in there too. She likes that story...

I'm glad that Danya and I are both happy right now. Over the past little while I've been feeling really strained with her. We're fighting a lot. That's embarrassing to say. I've been fighting with a two year old! And I don't know how to handle it. My temper is really short and I'm often scared that Danya will remember these days. I've heard of others having these kinds of difficulties, but rarely have I heard any definite, good advice on how to deal with it. Like, what do I do when Benjamin is screaming his head off 'cause he just doesn't want to go to sleep, doesn't want to be held, doesn't want to be put down, and doesn't want anything to drink? And then add a little girl who yells, "Mom! Mom! MOM!" from the doorway just as you think the baby's settling down? And then both are crying 'cause you aren't able to pick them up at the same time? And then one of them barfs on you and the other pees on your bed? These are all things that have happened in the run of a day, or rather in the space of a few minutes at our house. My nerves have a hard time of handling it. It scares me how frustrated I can get. Sometimes only one of those things will get me upset. Maybe I just need more sleep....

Yesterday Kate told me she was scared of becoming a mom and I told her that there are definite benefits, like seeing your kids grow up, seeing them do so many things for the first time. I neglected to mention firsts like playing with their poo or throwing a tantrum in a mall after not being allowed to ride the merry-go-round a second time. I don't want to totally discourage her forever! :) I remember that I always wanted to be a wife and mom. I had no larger dreams than that that I ever committed to or followed through on. Perhaps I should take the time to dream some more, or learn to be truly content in all circumstances. I know I need to be more content, more joyful. Are these things that a person can just tell themselves to be? Somehow I'm not sure of that....

Passports

Today I sat in the passport office and felt myself grow feathers. I became a chicken. I try to bring Avon books with me when I go places, especially when I know I'll have some time on my hands to wait around. What else is a person to do in the passport office? Well, I found lots of things to do. I talked with people behind me. I laughed out loud at some of the questions people asked of man at the registration desk. I hummed and hawed. But I didn't get rid of one of my books. In fact, I'm sure that if you looked closely, you'd still see some residual feathers hanging on. I get so shy. And why? Because someone might say no to me? It's silly. I know it stems from fear, but sometimes I just can't conquer it. Oi!

I finally made it to the wicket to have Danya and Benjamin's passports processed. The lady was really nice. At least when I feel chicken others don't seem to see the beak and claws.) I've really noticed lately that people are a lot nicer than they're often portrayed to be. So many people have complained about getting their passport obtaining experience. Lines too long, staff too snippy, a smell in the air...you get the picture. But it really wasn't bad. I actually had fun...aside from the clucking which I'm hoping I was the only one to hear. God is teaching me about not judging a situation, people, or places before I experience them. And actually, I'm learning not to judge even if I am experiencing them. I'll never have the whole picture, so why can I think that I can know why a person acts or reacts a particular way? Hmmm...maybe this is a lesson for me regarding Belize too. Hmmmmmmmmm.....