Plans for a day...

It's interesting how a day's plans can go so differently from how you expect them to. A person can wake up with a list of to do's and end up doing many other things which are also important but none of which are on that list. And then it starts again the next day and the next. Sometimes I get stressed because my life just doesn't seem to be in my hands. I'm learning, though, that God often has other ideas about how things should go, the people you should bump into, the amount of time really need to spend doing laundry or washing dishes. I'm learning, SLOWLY, that my house is not the complete defining picture of who I am. I'm learning that people are more important. I've always known that. (My roomies in college would know that I'm bad at keeping tidy.) I've always known that being untidy or even dirty doesn't necessarily mean you're on the wrong track. I want my treasures to be in heaven, not in a memory of a house well-maintained. However, I get stuck. I feel the pressures (maybe some are good) to run a good household. The Prov. 31 woman stands out. I struggle to know my place, my calling. And that affects how my days turn out. Some days, I will begin planning on working on my business and then the demands and joys of family life intervene. Other days, I hope to work on family needs and the calls of friends in need or responsibilities at church veer me in a different direction. At other times it's not even that well defined. I'll begin by hoping to get a room cleaned, dishes done, or a roof repaired and I'll get sidetracked by a book, a feeling of sadness or inertia, or the desire to sleep. Oh and don't forget sickness. And all said and done, when it's over I often feel sad that I didn't do what I wanted to do instead of feeling joy at just being alive or in doing some unexpected work. I think I often feel that I need to perform, to be useful, to be worthy. And then I hear the word sof a song that say I am God's beloved and I know that means I'm loved all the time, no matter what. And still I say to myself, "But...."