What should I do when someone compliments?

I never know what to do with compliments.  Really, I appreciate that they are blessing me, but sometimes, I just don't know how to download what they've said into my brain.  I can also get proud when I hear too much good.  I draw conclusions from what is said and that's not always good.  And then I can completely wipe away what people say.  It's hard for me to figure out.  

What brings this on?  After speaking on Sunday, I had people come tell me I did a good job.  I guess I'm probably beyond wanting to know if I spoke well.  I want to know if people learned from what was said.  If they're going to grow from it.  If their hearts were affected.  Telling me I did a good job seems like such a lie.  I feel so flushed when I'm up there.  I can rarely remember what words came out of my mouth.  I appreciate those comments the best that tell me how a mood, a heart was changed.

Three such things were said to me.  My dad said he was going to act on what was said.  Two others said it hit home.  One in particular said she'd been mulling over stuff like what I was saying for a while and was encouraged to hear it from someone else.  I feel most assured when I hear something like that.  On a side note...my mom said it was super.  I'll have to ask her what aspect she meant.  

Outline...

Colossians 4

Reasons for speaking with grace.

Example: Danya counting.  She's learning, she's mimicking, she's seeing (or not) God through me.

Refer to Colossians 3.  If we're thinking in grace in order to speak it, it'll be easier to act it.

Difficulties of speaking the truth in love in a gracious manner.

Speaking too little.

From fear of offending, from fear of results, from lack of knowledge, from lack of God's direction.  (Example: Joseph's brother.)

Speaking too much.  

-From nervousness, from lack of knowledge, from lack of self-control, from lack of God's direction.  (Peter's denial, Proverbs...)

-Results in truth being lost or  distorted.  Not all opinions are equal or even valid.

Todd Agnew's song.

So how do we let our speech be seasoned with grace?

Follow Paul's example in his goodbyes.

-He knew each person well enough to say something about them, to encourage them and others about the gifts they had to offer.

-He acknowledged their work and contribution.

-He was kind in his referral of Onesimus (Philemon 1:10-21) and Mark (Acts 15:36-41)

  - He was willing to let grace be in his own life.

-Had his letter copied, his example made known.  

Project: Practice graciousness even tonight as we close.  

             : Make Me a Blessing

Yes

As a little child, my parents used a parenting technique which is fairly common.  So common, in fact, that some of the parenting world calls it "1,2, 3 Magic."  I'm sure most of you have heard it used or have used it yourself.  (Johnny, if you don't do x by the time I count to 3, y will be the result.)  Well, the other day, I heard one of my children saying something.  I had just told her for the upteenth time to lay down for her nap.  As I put my own head down to rest, I heard, "Lay down.  Me 'tount to free.  1, 2...pause...me tay free you in trouble.. pause...free." My first reaction was, "What did you say?"

This episode had a huge effect on me!  I went through a whole range of emotions.  I laughed because she had mimicked me so well.  Later I was chastined--Because she had mimicked me so well. I was afraid, because I realized that when I'm least expecting it, she can mimic me so well.  I was also relieved, because I'd rather have her mimicking me than someone else.  

Matthew 5:37 "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."

Don't Say a Word by Todd Agnew

My mama told me when I was a child

Son, you've gotta keep a hold of your tongue

If you don't have anything nice to say, my child

Well don't say anything at all

'Cause every single thing that comes out of your mouth

Someone's listening

Taking as the truth every word that comes out

So don't, don't, don't 

Don't say a word

My Father told me people see a preacher preach

And assume that the words are the Lord's

So before you spout out your most recent thoughts

Just remember who you're speaking for

Or don't say anything at all

The Word was made flesh and he dwelt among men

There's a truth deeper than our opinion

A message of life for the dead

And who will tell them?

'Cause every single word that comes out of your mouth 

Someone's listening

Taking as the truth every word that comes out

So don't, so don't

'Cause every single thing that comes out of your mouth

Someone, someone

Is taking as the truth every word that comes out

Don't, don't, don't

Don't say a word

Written by Todd Agnew (c) 2007 Ardent/Koala Music (ASCAP).  All rights reserved.

I Can't Believe You Just Said That!

I can't believe you just said that!!!  How many times have we heard this?  Sometimes, we say it with a laugh, feigning shock that someone could be so funny or rude.  Sometimes, we say it with a heart full of pain and confusion.  Sometimes we say it because we are so completely flabbergasted that any person could be so, so, so....dumb, or ignorant.    Our words can be helpful and hateful, kind and jealous, sweet and obnoxious, loving and distrustful.  And the worst of it is, sometimes the same words can come from two different people and have completely different meanings.  

On a roll

Today I feel like I'm on a roll.  I am enjoying sorting the kids stuff in their room.  I look at it and I'm not overwhelmed.  If it was yesterday, or the day before, or last week and you would have had me stressed out about it.  It's helped that the kids were distracted by Diego for a long time and I was able to discreetly get rid of a bunch of their toys when they weren't looking.  I have a whole garbage bag of toys and another of stuffed animals to sell/give away.  It's kind of freeing for me.  If only they'd see it that way!  

I find myself feeling bad for Jordan.  He's so tired lately and then when he's feeling good, I'm tired.  It seems like we're just walkin' the road together, not talking much.  This is ok.  As long as it doesn't stay like this.  I've been doing a lot of reading lately about marriage.  It started out with me being concerned about people around us who had marriages falling apart.  Then Katrina reccommended a book called "Every Woman's Marriage."  And yesterday I was reading some excerpts from the Alpha Marriage book.  I'm reminded that while our marriage is lasting, it's not always perfect and I still need to work on it if I'd like it to be good and healthy and joyful.  Now I'm just left wondering what I can do with the time I have, what we can do with the time we have.  

I've been repeatedly convicted about my speech lately.  Not only am I not graceful (as my name says I should be), I am downright rude, especially to my children.  And not only is it my words, but also my actions that betray me.  My heart is hard and I need it to be softened so that my words might be gentle and just.  How am I to explain what's right to the Agora or to my family when I am so inept, so sinful with my words?  Wisdom does not seem to be a friend of mine.

Old account

Had an old BEBO account.  Thought I'd transfer over the old posts.  I've edited them to fix spelling errors.

Peanut butter cookies: "Mom was here for the past three days and last night she made peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.  They were sooo good.  I used to like making them but now I get frustrated because I always burn them or it takes too long due to little kids taking my time.  That's ok though.  I love babies!  If anyone has a good cookie recepie, I'd love to try it."  -769 days ago.

Sunny day with hope for the future: "The maple tree outside my window catches the sunbeams perfectly.  Some bright, some shadowed, all rustling gently in the wind.  The past few days have been filled with rain and wetness.  Today, the gentleness of the sunbeams seems to speak of great days to com.  Not only days of warmth and outdoor adventures but also days of fulfillment and joy.  A lot can be said by a leaf and a sumbeam dancing together. :D  Perhaps nature is rejoicing with me over the future.  Today I met with Sue from leadership at The Agora.  We talked for nearly two hours about my past and what is going to happen at Living Waters.  When all is said and done, no one really knows what's coming, but we are expectant without expectations. :D  God, I look forward to workign with You and to seeing what You have in store.  I will trust You!" - 772 days ago

Thoughts of the future: "The other day I had a meeting with my pastor about attending the Living Waters conference in Sussex.  It's amazing how a conversation, or the thought of a conversation, can make a person so confused.  It seems that I'm often given what I feel is a message from God and then when I talk about it to people, they ask so many questions or outright say that they don't agree with the message for me.  God, is it from you?  I'm trying not to interpret too mkuch.  I just want to do what you want.  But I get so confused!  I know you're in control of my future, my "Destiny" as JB calls it.  I just don't know how to communicate to others what I feel.  Arrgh!" -776 days ago

Preparing...

I feel very unprepared to speak at the Agora.  I thought perhaps I should put some of my ideas down here so that I could keep track of them.  It is kind of difficult to write a sermon with kiddies to tend to.  :)  Whenever I do this, I am reminded that I should look after my pastor and his family so that they do not have to deal with a job on top of their job on top of their family obligations.  I'm reminded that I am definitely not in a place where I can preach full time and I'm happy about that.  (At the moment.)  

God, help my thoughts to make sense and come out right to those I speak to.

Main Scripture passage: Colossians 4:1-18, especially 4:6 - Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Supporting passages: Ecclesiastes 9:10 - Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

Ephesians 5:1-21, especially 5:4,6,12, 19-20 - Nor should there be obsenity, foolish talk, or coarse joking, which are out of place, but thanksgiving...  Let no one deceive you with empty words...  For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret...  Speak to one another  with psalm, hymns and spiritual songs.  Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.  

Proverbs 8:1-36, especially 8:6-14 -  Listen for I have worthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right. My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. To the discerning all of them are right; they are faultless to those who have knowledge. Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her. I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion. To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. Counsel and sound judgement are mine; I have understanding and power.

Make me a Blessing

I've been asked if I would like to speak at The Agora on the 27th.  This has got me thinking about what I should talk about.  The church has been going through the book of Colossians and should be finished by the time I get there.  Only thing is, the verse that kept popping into my head was Colossians 4:6, "Let your speech always be with grace..."  I didn't realize the until the other day that it is in Colossians.  Hmmm...  I was also told that if we were still in Colossians, we'd probably be in the "Goodbyes" of the book.  Kind of fitting for what is happening with our family.  Also, a hymn I love called "Make me a blessing" would really fit into those themes as well as one from Zechariah.  Anyway...there are lots of ideas floating around.  Now I just need to get the time to work on them.  God, please protect me and help me to say what Your people need to hear.

The Peg!!!

So we're going to Winnipeg!  God has laid everything out for us.  We've found a family to rent-to-own our home.  We have a place to move into when we get there - on campus!  We found the perfect tent for our family for our trip out.  Friends have been helping us with repairs on the house.  Our first yard sale brought in over $600.  Our van didn't take as much fixing as I had expected.  God's teaching me to let go of things and just enjoy the beauty of giving and the thrill of the ride.  It's been awesome!  Aaahhh!  Life in the palm of God's hand is so peaceful and exciting.

On another note...  I recently read a book by Shaine Clayborne, one of the founders of the simple way.  Then today, I found out today that his house, and pretty much the whole block where their work is situated has been utterly destroyed by a warehouse fire.  It's so surreal to me, and I only read a book about it.  What must the people who lived, worked, played, shared in community be feeling?  The utube video of the fire shared their devastation and their HOPE.  There was even a bit of excitement.  Wow!  I love it when God works this way.

Yet another note...  At least three of us are sick.  Benjamin and I both have colds and ears that hurt a lot.  Zebediah seems to have a cold too, and is irritable from needles he received yesterday.  I'm just waiting to see who else gets sick in our house.  At least we're sick now.  Perhaps this means we won't be sick for our trip.  :)

my call right now

I think God's calling me to go to Winnipeg.  Not just a good idea now.  A call.  The other day, I read, "The LORD had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's  household and go to the land I will show you."  (Gen. 12:1)  This kind of made me feel like Moncton is not an option for me, even though it's where I want to be.  And then Jordan shared news about the med school in NB.  Apparently it will be starting up in two years' time.  Just when we'd be done in Winnipeg.  He kind of feels like that's a sign of things to come too.  Everything is working out.  I just wish I had more confidence in the selling of our house.  I feel it needs to sell.  I just wish I could see how.  Hmmmm...

Departures

Renee and Julian leave tomorrow. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Nathan. Michelle went away a couple weeks ago. (I know she's coming back...but it might not be the same.) We'll be moving. I'm not sad at the thought of simple life changes. I'm depressed that marriages break up. I'm frustrated with my own inability to help. I'm uncertain of my own ability to understand God and His plan for my life. I don't want to say goodbye. I'm tired of people not communicating what's really on their hearts. I'm tired of not being able to communicate what's on my own heart. I can tell Jordan anything, but can I share with those around me. Hah! I clam up. I shut up. I stay put and hope it'll all work out around me. God! Give me a voice and teach me how to use it.

Ideas...

Some day I'd like to:

Have a bed where anyone, anytime can come sleep and feel welcome at my house.

Maybe give the entirety of tithe from the rental of our house to Today's Family Church.

Figure out what God wants for our lives in terms of wealth as blessing and wealth as something to give away.

Be content in following God as He leads and doing my best where He has me.

Know what God would have me do each day so that I'm not wasting any time, love, money, or self.

Zebediah is sleeping in his own bed!

The title says it all! This is the first child we've had sleeping on their own, in their own bed at only 2 months of age. Zebby's also the only child who's ever sucked his thumb, or waited 5-6 days between movements, or started babbling at 1 month old. What kind of child and adult will he be? His smile makes me wonder at the amazing things God does for us - like giving us children! Wow! And now, He's letting me get some sleep...in my own bed, with my husband at my side. Not three children fighting over pillows, my husband! I think I'll take Him up on the offer of rest. Thanks God!!!

headache

So I've got one of those massive headaches going on right now. I should know by now what the signs are. Maybe I do, and just ignore them. Either way, it's been three days now. It's getting worse. My ears feel like they're being beaten upon, my tongue feels swollen, my eyes feel every wave of light and I feel sick to my stomach. I could take some codeine but that just makes Zebediah sleepy and constipated. Not a good thing... So here we go. Gonna have a long week!

Jordan's taking Danya and Benjamin to the library to pick up a hold item and a video or two for the kids. They're bored out of their minds and I need something to keep me from yelling at them. They're so cute and wired and crazy...and I can't handle it right now. Any squeals make my ears feel like they're gonna pop. But they make me laugh anyway. :)

I've been making a weekly grocery list and meal schedule. Today just happens to be Jordan's day to do stirfry. Yay for not having to cook! I'm VERY relieved. I love to cook. Enjoy seeing people enjoying the food in front of them. But when my head hurts, and I have to look for dishes or dodge running children I get frustrated and the fun disappears.

Now it's quiet. They've just left and suddenly their noise is replaced by the noise of a furnace, the clicking of computer keys, my own eyes blinking. I think it's time for a rest. If only I thought resting would ease the pain. But it won't. I know it won't.

Cruise

I'll be going away on a cruise with Zebediah, my Mom and sister, Bethany, this summer. We're trying to get Katrina to go too, but things are complicated. This started out with me wanting to take only Bethany as a grad present to her. Now there are a few of us going and I don't quite know what to make of it all! I'm really excited to make this a girl thing, but I don't want anyone to feel left out. I also can't afford to help anyone else out. And even if I could, would it be taken as wanted? I don't know!

There's so much else going on in my life too. Jordan is applying for a job in Moncton. If he doesn't get that, we're thinking of going to Manitoba for school. That felt like a cool idea at one time, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm just excited about the prospects of moving to NB. It'd be nice to be around family...I think. Part of that idea twists my stomach with anxiety. It'd be good to move closer to home for so many reasons. But then, I'm still not sure what God wants. I feel so blind at times.

They didn't even know my name.

It's funny what songs play on the radio...and how these songs can affect you one way in a moment and in the next have little to no effect at all. They just played a song by George Canyon called My Name on the country station. It's about a baby's perspective of the love he/she feels in the womb before being a stillborn. Some days that song has me weeping. Today, I could have easily cried, but I was able to hold off the emotions. Do I really want to hold off how I feel? Is desensitization a good thing? It can make life a lot easier to cope with...and leave me feeling cold to what's going on around me.

I've been doing a fair bit of introspection and questioning lately. Some of it has to do with being pregnant again. I'm not terrified of losing Little Baby. I do become afraid and question my actions though. Should I be taking more iron? Am I being negligent if I don't? When I don't feel movement should I be calling the doctor? I do feel it...just not as often...but maybe that's 'cause Little Baby has finally moved into a head down position. I miss playing with him/her. He/she used to have (I think) their hands really near my belly button and if I pushed a tiny bit, I'd get a punch back...and some kicks elsewhere. I love that interaction. But now, it's a lot quieter. Sigh... So do I get worried? Or do I just enjoy where I am right now? And how much activity should I be doing? If I do too much, I get pain. But I hate to be lazy and I hate having a messy house. And if I'm this unsure of myself now...what's it gonna be like when Little Baby arrives? I kind of know how I'll respond...I just do it. I'll be strong and I'll just do it. I only hope I can do it with dignity and joy and a little bit of sleep.